Cancer does suck but it is a little funny.

I just found out my best friend from high School reads my blog. I am definitely New Yorks Time Best seller List material now. Luckily, i do not need to impress her. She is impressive enough, having gotten through breast cancer before it was popular and had its own Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket. A lot of people did. In the scheme of things, i am very lucky to have this now when my main worries are about eye lashes and wigs and how long to wait after chemo until I can have a really big party and consume a lot of alcohol.

I have started reading stuff about cancer from other people who are less superficial than me. Apparently, cancer is suppose to be making me into a better person, seeing what is really important and what is not. I should be turning into one of those people who exude peace and calm, like those people in, I believe it is Tibet. On top of mountains. Well, I am good at knowing family and friends are important and living for the moment is good because you never know what is going to happen. (Life is too short so love the one you've got cuz you might get run over or you might get shot.) But I knew that from before I had cancer.

But since having cancer, aside from knowing relationships are more important than material things (well, if I had any...) I am kind of becoming obsessed with make-up, false eyelashes, hairstyles and plastic surgery! Cancer is actually making me more vain and shallow. WTF! I will probably be the first and only person in the history of cancer to survive it and become a WORSE PERSON!!! Already, i am starting to think that people are too nice to people with cancer (based on my own reaction and tendency to take advantage of such people, many of whom actually now believe my cancer responds to chocolate and shoes.) If you are too nice to people with cancer, they will start getting cancer all the time just for the attention. Well, maybe not. When I survive this whole thing, i will probably start up some organization being mean to people with cancer. Hell, why limit it to cancer, i will probably start being mean to all sick people and dogs. Well, never dogs. People get much more upset about being mean to dogs rather than people. How can i stop myself from this descent into incredible meanness?????

I don't think my psychiatric oncologist is going to be much help, although she is quite good at figuring out exactly how much prozac is necessary to combat chemo-brain. I think I am going to have to go sit on some mountains in Tibet. I hope you can get a helicopter ride up there rather than have to climb. This is not a particularly good idea right now, having just gone back to work and starting to make a normal salary again, working on selling my house and getting out from under a mortgage that cost more than living in a fancy hotel, and pretty much getting past the long drawn out parts of cancer treatment, except for getting my new boob which will be the highlight of my summer. Oh that is so superficial. The highlight of my summer should be helping victims of flood, or homeless children or something, not getting a new boob! Well lets be realistic. My doctors are so paranoid about me traveling while having chemo or radiation or whatever the fuck is next that they are not going to let me go sit on any mountains in Tibet until this is all over anyway. Saved by the cancer bell. Well, when i am all done with this, i will go sit on a mountain in Tibet and become a better person. This will give me more time to save up so that I can book better hotels with good room service and, oh yeah, to find out where the fuck Tibet actually is. I hope they have beaches.