OK, I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. Besides if I drink all the time, I will start to look old. SO i am developing a Plan. If anyone who reads this has been through this or knows someone who has, feel free to give me advice. I will meet with my oncologists as soon as possible and find out my options. Then I will talk to a couple of other oncologists and see what they say. Then I will choose whatever conventional medical treatment I think is best. I will also start with the unconventional stuff, too. Reiki, guided imagery, etc. Not without teliing my doctors, as I was warned by an oncology nurse who went drinking in the north end with me.
Then, i am going to have as much fun as I can, just in case. Already several friends have agreed to go sky diving. I am seriously thinking of trading in my car for a sports car. I will find my passport and travel as much as i can. And i am going to get laid more. All these guys who say a missing boob wouldn't bother them, well I just may take them up on it. There's other stuff, too; I am going to have to make a list. Going to the beach every day is good. I have a ton of really good people in my life and I am going to start spending more fun time with them. This does not mean that I think I am going to die from this. It's very unlikely that I will. But it was enough of a scare that I realized that what is important is to be happy with people you love. Not telling them that in a year or two, we'll do this but just doing it now.
And anyway, I am too strong to let some stupid cancer that managed to hide from the nastiest chemotherapy in the world get to me. I am pretty good at surviving bad stuff. I will kick this cancer's ass. And then I will take a nap.