I just came back from California. No, i did not ask my oncologist if i could travel because she is not the boss of me. Besides it was mellower and more relaxing than staying at home and potentially exposing myself to whatever germs were lurking in my recently flooded basement. Well, I got all the water out before I left but there is a lingering suspicious smell, or there was until i went out and bought 4 ans of lysol spray and emptied them. But that is another (less interesting) story.
So my people got medical marijuana cards, the idea being that teenagers and 20-somethings are going to smoke weed anyway so if they have the cards is is not illegal. I like this idea. I have never been a particularly big fan of weed- it used to make me paranoid when I smoked it at the appropriate pot-smoking age. I would occasionally take a hit or two at parties to prove that I was not the old lady I suppose I really am, but am in denial about. But, having cancer, i think I need to embrace this medical marijuana stuff. There is a lot of research that it helps nausea, decreased appetitite and pain, none of which i currently suffer from, but that is no reason not to use the cancer card to abuse illegal drugs legally. Well, it would be totally legal if I got a medical marijuana card, which i would qualify for if I could prove I was a resident of California. This turned out to be a little more difficult to do that expected. Might have had something to do with the fact that I am not a resident of California, I don't really know. I do feel like a southern californian at heart. So since it was practically legal to smoke in California and it is decriminalized to have under an ounce in my other home state, Massachusetts (we were the first to have gay marriage, too. Except for the shitty weather most of the time, not a bad state,) I embarked upon my use of medical marijuana.
My concern was that the one side effect of chemo that I sometimes DO have (although not currently) is mouth sores and mouth pain. Gross, i know. So I didn't think smoking would be good in that situation so I decided to explore the world of edibles. I forced a young friend of a friend to show me how to make pot brownies, something I never got right in my younger days, but I have it now. The trick is to separate something from something, i don't know the technical terms but you don't want to cook with the parts of the plant that are really good to smoke- the buds I think. So you get this other stuff- not seeds or stems, though, so I guess scrunched up leaves? I am a little vague about this, but I remember the rest. You do not throw this stuff into a brownie mix. You have to cook it in butter. Because, thc is fat-soluable. I love saying this because it sounds like I am smart when actually talking about cooking marijuana brownies- or any other kind of food that uses butter. I think it might be good on garlic bread. So you cook it for a while and then strain out whatever the main thing is and you end up with green pot-smelling butter which you can substitute for regular butter in any recipe you want. We did brownies.
Of course I am not good on measurements and neither was my cooking teacher. Apparently we melted down enough weed to get a small city totally wasted in the one pan of brownies. Not knowing this, I ingested a moderately sized brownie. After eating dinner. So it didn't work right away, having to go through my whole digestive tract and all. So I went to sleep. Then woke up an hour later to monkeys flying around my room. Singing. And plotting to kill me, i think. Plus it was imperative that I eat all the ice cream in the house immediately. The ice cream helped but it took hours to talk myself down and for the monkeys to quiet down and eventually go elsewhere. Upon processing the whole incident the following day, I decided two things: the next time, i would eat only one bite of the brownie- worked great and much less wasteful, and secondly, there is an additional benefit of medical marijuana for cancer patients if they happen to over-indulge accidentally like I did. I spent hours worrying about the flying monkeys- not once did I even think about having cancer. A good diversion. Additionally, after I was a little less high, I thought, well I do have cancer, but at least I don't have flying monkeys trying to kill me anymore. Perspective. Very important. So this is why I am going to fully support all efforts to get marijuana legalized for medical reasons. I mean, if a state run by Arnold fucking Schartzenator, or whatever his name is, can do it, why not my super liberal gay marriage endosing state? And maybe those square middle states. it has to be more enjoyable living there with a little bit of a buzz on. And what about Alaska?
Actually I think they should legalize pot everywhere except hawaii because it is too much fun to live there as it is.